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The 'I Am Not Here' Existential Pug Mug
£12.99
We print everything to order—because we hate waste and dusty stock. Due to this highly customised effort, delivery takes 4–8 days (yes, you have to wait). If you’re lucky, it’s 2–5. We’ll send a dispatch email when your stuff is finally on its way.
If you've ever felt like you're physically present but spiritually on a beach somewhere (or simply too busy to deal with any of it), then this is your new favourite mug.
Featuring Sir Cucumber Dog, the pug with a permanent scowl and impeccably bizarre style, this mug captures the mood of every Monday morning, awkward office meeting, or simply a day when reality feels optional. Sir Cucumber Dog is pictured in his signature cucumber-print suit, sharp yellow bow tie, and cucumber monocle, declaring the profound and utterly baffling sentiment: "I am not here. But if I were, I wouldn't be now."
It's a perfect gift for the friend who loves a rude and funny joke, the colleague who excels at subtle avoidance, or anyone who appreciates a bit of absurdist philosophy with their morning brew.
Mug Details & Specs
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Design: A high-quality print of your brand's iconic Sir Cucumber Dog character on a crisp white ceramic mug, set against a vibrant lime green background.
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The Vibe: Rude, funny, and beautifully baffling.
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Material: Durable, white ceramic.
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Sizes: Available in two perfect sizes:
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11 oz: 3.8″ (9.6 cm) height, 3.2″ (8.2 cm) diameter
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15 oz: 4.7″ (11.9 cm) height, 3.3″ (8.5 cm) diameter
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Peace of Mind: Lead and BPA-free material.
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Care: Dishwasher and microwave safe—perfect for heavy use (or heavy avoidance).
A Note on How We Make Things: This mug is made especially for you as soon as you place an order. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction (and is much less confusing than Sir Cucumber Dog's life philosophy!), so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
Every brilliant mug, tee, or coaster you order is made especially for you using print-on-demand. This custom process is personally overseen by our mascot, Sir Cucumber Dog, who ensures his cucumber monocle is positioned just right for the official 'Pug of Approval' stamp. Because we don't hold stock and craft everything bespoke, your order takes a little longer to arrive than rushed, mass-produced items. But this extra time guarantees a high-quality, perfectly rude, and funny product made just for you!
