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I Fart In Lifts | Funny Biological Hazard T-Shirt

£23.00

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🚚 FREE Shipping to the UK & USA

Welcome to the confined space sabotage department. This premium organic t-shirt is a proud admission of absolute geographical hostility. Featuring a highly detailed, vintage elevator cage and a deeply smug operative deploying a massive yellow toxic cloud, it formally advertises your complete disregard for common decency. It is the ultimate wearable warning for anyone foolish enough to step into an enclosed environment with you.

The Biological Sabotage Hub This garment targets the highly lucrative toilet humour and anti-social commuter sectors. We entirely reject polite society in favour of weaponised digestion. It is the perfect attire for awkward morning commutes, crowded corporate office buildings, or simply forcing strangers to reconsider and take the stairs. Formally endorsed by Sir Cucumber Dog, who also utilizes biological warfare when his dinner is late.

Targeted Gifting Solutions We provide logistical solutions for the unapologetically gross. This sarcastic t-shirt serves as the perfect low budget, high impact gift for a deeply disgusting sibling, a dad who is entirely too proud of his bodily functions, or a coworker who has weaponised the office elevator.

Premium Organic Manufacturing We absolutely refuse to print our biological threats on inferior materials. This garment is built to strict premium specifications, ensuring your toxic admission is displayed on the highest quality canvas.

Organic Construction: Crafted from 100% organic ring spun combed cotton. Exceptionally soft and entirely free from agricultural peasantry.
High Contrast Hazard: High resolution direct to garment printing ensures the vibrant copper mechanics and the billowing yellow gas cloud pop violently against the dark fabric, ensuring your warning is visible from down the hall.
Lightweight Armour: The 155 g/m² single jersey fabric provides a breathable but highly durable layer of protection against the disgusted reactions of your peers.
Corporate Compliance: When you successfully clear a lift in under ten seconds, document the immediate evacuation and tag @thecucumberdog on Instagram using #thecucumberdog.

Our goal is for every customer to be totally satisfied with their purchase. If this isn't the case, let us know and we'll do our best to work with you to make it right.

We will work quickly to ship your order as soon as possible. Once your order has shipped, you will receive an email with further information. Delivery times vary depending on your location.

Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.

Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3-5 business days for production before it departs our green-lit HQ.
Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we’ll sort it. No stress, no fuss.

Frequently asked questions

Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.

We are unable to accept returns on certain items. These will be carefully marked before purchase.

Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.

As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.

Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.

A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.

As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.

Read Sir Cucumber Dogs Page