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The I Fart In Lifts Ceramic Mug: A Masterclass in Social Distancing
£17.00
Sale price
£17.00
Regular price
Sir Cucumber Dog's Offensiveness Rating
"It is crude, it is chemically unstable, and it is exactly the kind of low brow humour that humans find hilarious. I, for one, find the lack of filtered air deeply offensive. At least the ceramic is high quality: unlike the manners of the person holding it."
- CJO (Chief Judgement Officer)
🚚 Estimated delivery:
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.
There are few things as quintessentially British as standing in a confined metal box with strangers and maintaining absolute silence. Sir Cucumber Dog believes that if you are going to break that silence, you should do it with a level of biological warfare that ensures you never have to share a lift again. This mug is for the individual who treats a three floor journey as a prime opportunity for atmospheric disruption.
Why This Mug is a Triumph of Social Sabotage
Featuring a candid illustration of a gentleman in a state of high pressure panic, this design captures the exact moment a quiet commute becomes a memorable event. Set against a deep forest green background, the bold cream text leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination.
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The Ultimate Warning Label: It is the perfect office accessory for the person who simply cannot be trusted in small spaces.
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Elite Branding: While the subject matter is, quite literally, gas, the quality is undeniably premium. Every mug features the underlying judgement of the Cucumber Dog empire.
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Tactical Honesty: Stop hiding your biological reality. Wear your flaws on your drink ware and watch as your colleagues suddenly decide to take the stairs.
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Free UK Shipping: Sir Cucumber Dog has graciously decided that the air in the delivery van should remain fresh for as long as possible. We will get this to your door with zero extra faff.
Technical Specifications for the Frequent Flyer
Whether you need a small caffeine hit to fuel your next floor jump or a massive bucket of tea for the long ride to the penthouse, we have the size for you:
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11 oz Mug: Measures 3.8 inches (9.6 cm) in height and 3.2 inches (8.2 cm) in diameter.
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15 oz Mug: Measures 4.7 inches (11.9 cm) in height and 3.3 inches (8.5 cm) in diameter.
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Quality Build: Made from high quality white ceramic that is lead and BPA free.
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Durability: Dishwasher and microwave safe. It is built to survive the heat, unlike the passengers in your lift.
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Zero Waste Production: Every mug is printed on demand to reduce overproduction. It is a thoughtful approach to a very thoughtless design.
Colonial Translation
(For our friends across the pond who struggle with extra vowels)
If you want to honor your favorite prankster with a high color gift, this elevator joke is the center of any conversation. It is a great defense against awkward silences and acts as a theater piece for your daily commute. This program of flatulence is sure to be a labeled success in any office or neighborhood breakroom.
Shipping & Returns
Shipping & Returns
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.
Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3 to 5 business days for production before your freshly printed order is shipped.
Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we will sort it. No stress, no fuss.
Frequently asked questions
When will I receive my mug?
Patience is a virtue, one I can see you likely do not possess. Your new vessel of disdain is printed specifically for you upon order. Production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed and shipped, we will provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is the returns policy?
Let me be absolutely clear. As each ceramic masterpiece is a bespoke item printed specifically for you, we do not accept returns for a sudden change of mind. Your fleeting whims are your own affair.
However, if your mug arrives looking like it wrestled a badger in transit (i.e., is damaged or misprinted), that is simply unacceptable. Contact our support minions immediately with a clear photograph of the disaster. We shall move heaven and earth to replace it and ensure you receive the perfection you paid for.
How do I care for my product?
We have provided the hostile typography; now you need to do the responsible bit. Treat these items properly, or Sir Cucumber Dog will be sorely disappointed in you.
- Standard Mugs (11 oz & 15 oz): Good news. These are certified high-quality ceramic. You can shove them in the dishwasher and microwave without guilt. Just do not let your incompetent colleagues steal them.
- Heat Colour Changing Mugs: Listen up, these are delicate divas. HAND WASH THEM ONLY. Putting this variant in the microwave or dishwasher is a direct insult to the magic inside. You will ruin it. Do not do it.
Is this design suitable for the workplace?
Only if your colleagues possess a shred of self-awareness or your HR department has given up entirely. We highly recommend placing it firmly on your desk to deter pointless meetings, bad ideas, and general stupidity.