I Hate You T-Shirt

Tired of pretending you like people? Exhausted from faking smiles at idiots? Let the world's most fashionable and disgruntled pug say it for you.

This t-shirt features the one and only Sir Cucumber Dog, looking profoundly unamused in his signature cucumber suit and monocle. He's not just having a bad day; he's judging all of existence. And he's surrounded by a very clear, very direct message in that unmistakable brand-new lime green: "I HATE YOU."

It's the perfect uniform for:

• Working from home on a Monday. (Or any day, really).

• Repelling small talk at the grocery store.

• Mandatory family gatherings you were guilted into attending.

• Expressing your inner monologue without having to speak.

Made from ridiculously soft cotton (because even misanthropes deserve comfort), this tee is a must-have for anyone whose favourite social activity is cancelling plans. Stop faking it. Let your shirt do the talking.

The Boring (But Important) Specs

Look, we know you're just here for the rude pug, but you're also buying a t-shirt. Even a misanthrope like Sir Cucumber Dog appreciates quality. We can't have you looking like a total slob while you're silently judging everyone.

So, here's the tea on what you're actually buying.

• The Guts: It’s a solid, 100% cotton tee. Soft, breathable, and perfect for absorbing the sweat from your righteous indignation.

• The Fancy Blends: If you're picking a "special" colour, the materials change. Don't act surprised.

  • Sport Grey: 90% cotton, 10% polyester (for that athletic "I could jog but I'd rather not" look).

  • Ash Grey: 99% cotton, 1% polyester (barely different, but sounds fancier).

  • Heather Colours: A 50/50 split of cotton and polyester (because you're complicated).

• The He-Man Build: This isn't some flimsy rag. It’s a respectable 5.0–5.3 oz/yd² (170-180 g/m²) fabric. It’s built with open-end yarn and tubular fabric, which means it's a classic tee with no annoying side seams to itch you while you're stewing in contempt.

• The Stuff That Stops It From Falling Apart: We taped the neck and shoulders and put double seams on the sleeves and bottom hem. This shirt will likely outlast your patience... and several of your friendships.

• Sourcing: The blank shirt is sourced from places like Honduras, Nicaragua, Haiti, the Dominican Republic, Bangladesh, or Mexico. Now you know.

A Few Annoying Disclaimers

(Read this before you complain to us.)

• On the Colour "White": Our "White" shirt is more of an "off-white." It's not the blinding, angelic white of a new appliance. Think... the colour of a slightly disappointed cloud.

• On the Colour "Natural": This colour has little dark speckles in it. That is intentional. It's part of the rustic charm. Don't email us about "specks." We will judge you.

Now, For the "Good Person" Part

We don't just have a giant, dusty warehouse full of these things like some soulless corporation. When you place an order, we make this product especially for you.

Yes, this means it takes a bit longer to get to your doorstep. Have patience. Your new uniform for hating everyone can wait a few extra days.

Why do we do this? It's called "on-demand," and it means we don't make massive piles of crap that end up in a landfill. It cuts down on overproduction.

So, while you may be an awful person on the inside, thank you for accidentally making a thoughtful purchasing decision and doing a good thing for the planet. Go you.

Size guide