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I Lick My Butt T-shirt
£19.99
We print everything to order—because we hate waste and dusty stock. Due to this highly customised effort, delivery takes 4–8 days (yes, you have to wait). If you’re lucky, it’s 2–5. We’ll send a dispatch email when your stuff is finally on its way.
Your dog sees it as a public service. A generous gift. They've meticulously cleaned their nether regions, and now they want to share that pristine cleanliness with your face. It's a circle of life, hygiene, and questionable choices. And they are very, very proud of it.
This T-shirt is a brutally honest PSA from the canine perspective. It lays out the simple, two-step process in bold, unapologetic text: "I LICK MY BUTT. I LICK YOUR FACE." And the punchline, delivered with the politeness of a true gentledog? "You're welcome." Below this generous offer, Sir Cucumber Dog stands, confirming this is, indeed, the official policy.
This is the perfect, horrifyingly accurate gift for any dog owner who has ever received a loving, slobbery kiss and had a brief, terrifying flashback about where that tongue has been.
Why This Shirt is a Public Health Warning:
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Brutally Honest: The disgusting truth, beautifully presented on a comfortable tee.
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Hilariously Grim: Guaranteed to make fellow dog owners laugh and non-dog-owners recoil in horror.
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Royal Mail, On The House: Dispatched with Free UK Shipping, because some gifts are too important to pay postage on.
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Comfort for the Contaminated: Made from soft, sturdy cotton, ideal for wiping away the evidence of your dog's "affection."
The Fiddly Bits (Specs):
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Fabric Composition:
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Solid colours are 100% cotton.
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Sport Grey is 90% cotton, 10% polyester.
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Ash Grey is 99% cotton, 1% polyester.
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Heather colours are a 50/50 cotton/polyester blend of poor life choices.
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Fabric Weight: A solid 5.0–5.3 oz/yd² (170-180 g/m²).
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Construction: Made with open-end yarn and tubular fabric, with a taped neck and shoulders. Plus double seams at the sleeves and bottom hem. Built to withstand a full-face assault.
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Sourced From: Our blank tees are sourced from various corners of the world (Honduras, Nicaragua, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Bangladesh, Mexico).
A Note On Your Order (Freshly printed, unlike your dog's breath): This shirt isn't just sitting around. Each one is printed fresh just for you the moment you place your order. This on-demand wizardry means it takes a little longer to arrive, but it's brilliant for cutting down on waste. So you can feel good about your purchase, even if you feel a bit sick thinking about the slogan.
Heads-Up (Disclaimers):
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The White tee is more of an 'off-white'.
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The Natural colour has dark speckles in it. It's a feature, not a flaw.
Size guide
| LENGTH (inches) | WIDTH (inches) | SLEEVE LENGTH (inches) | |
| S | 28 | 18 | 15 ⅝ |
| M | 29 | 20 | 17 |
| L | 30 | 22 | 18 ½ |
| XL | 31 | 24 | 20 |
| 2XL | 32 | 26 | 21 ½ |
| 3XL | 33 | 28 | 22 ¾ |
| LENGTH (cm) | WIDTH (cm) | SLEEVE LENGTH (cm) | |
| S | 71.1 | 45.7 | 39.7 |
| M | 73.7 | 50.8 | 43.2 |
| L | 76.2 | 55.9 | 47 |
| XL | 78.7 | 61 | 50.8 |
| 2XL | 81.3 | 66 | 54.6 |
| 3XL | 83.8 | 71.1 | 58 |
Every brilliant mug, tee, or coaster you order is made especially for you using print-on-demand. This custom process is personally overseen by our mascot, Sir Cucumber Dog, who ensures his cucumber monocle is positioned just right for the official 'Pug of Approval' stamp. Because we don't hold stock and craft everything bespoke, your order takes a little longer to arrive than rushed, mass-produced items. But this extra time guarantees a high-quality, perfectly rude, and funny product made just for you!
