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I Love Your Mum Coaster
$24.00
Free over $60. Fulfilled locally in North America. No hidden fees, no overseas logistics drama.
Product Description
A Message from the Chairman: On the Expression of Affection
Sir Cucumber Dog is not, by nature, a sentimental creature. He does not do greeting cards. He does not do heartfelt speeches. He does not, under any circumstances, do hugs.
But he does believe in honesty.
And the honest truth is that your mum is, by all accounts, a remarkable woman. Someone clearly thinks so, anyway. Enough to put it on a coaster. In your house. Where you have to look at it every single day.
Why You Absolutely Require This
- The Gift That Keeps on Giving (Grief): Buy this for your mate and watch them explain it to every single person who comes round for the next decade.
- A Declaration of Sorts: Bold. Unapologetic. Technically a compliment, depending on your perspective.
- The Lad Gift, Perfected: Solves the eternal problem of what to get the bloke who has everything but deserves to be wound up about it.
🔩 Technical Specifications for the Meticulous
- Material: Hardboard MDF 3mm with cork backing 1mm
- Finish: High-gloss coating — wipeable, vibrant, and impossible to ignore
- Dimensions: 95 × 95 × 4mm (3.74″ × 3.74″ × 0.16″) with rounded corners
- Performance: Water-repellent, heat-resistant, and non-slip
- Maintenance: Wipe clean. The coaster, not your conscience.
- Sold as: Single coaster
Who Is This For? (The Victims)
- The Mate Who Deserves It: For the friend who has been asking for this level of commitment for years and is about to get it in coaster form.
- The Stag Do Organiser: An essential addition to any celebration that aims to be both memorable and deeply inappropriate.
- The Sibling with a Score to Settle: A perfectly passive-aggressive gift that requires no explanation and offers no apology.
- Fans of Rude Novelty Gifts: For anyone who believes a funny coaster is a legitimate form of emotional expression.
Shipping & Returns
Shipping
- Cost: Free on orders over $60.
- Delivery: Exclusively shipping within the USA and Canada. Every order is fulfilled locally.
- Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3 to 5 business days for production before your freshly printed order is shipped.
Returns
- Because our apparel is printed on demand just for you, we strictly do not accept returns or refunds if you simply change your mind. If the item arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we will sort it out. No stress, no fuss.
Colonial Translation
- Sort it out: Fix the issue.
- Change of mind: Buyer's remorse.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your measurements. Our premium apparel uses standard unisex sizing, but assuming you know your exact fit is a terrible strategy. Because our inventory is strictly printed on demand, we absolutely do not accept returns or process refunds if you simply order the wrong size or change your mind. Returns and exchanges are reserved solely for genuinely damaged or defective goods.
Please consult the highly accurate size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking two minutes to measure a garment you already own is the most effective way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
| Size | Body Length (inches) | Chest Width (inches) | Sleeve Length (inches) |
|---|---|---|---|
| S | 27 ⅛ | 19 ½ | 8 ⅞ |
| M | 28 ¾ | 21 | 9 ½ |
| L | 29 ½ | 22 ¼ | 9 ⅝ |
| XL | 30 ¼ | 23 ⅜ | 9 ⅞ |
| 2XL | 31 ⅛ | 25.00 | 10 |
| 3XL | 31 ⅞ | 26 ⅝ | 10 ¼ |
| 4XL | 32 ⅝ | 28 ½ | 10 ¼ |
| 5XL | 33 ⅛ | 30 ½ | 10 ¼ |
How long does delivery take?
very piece of apparel or sarcastic accessory is custom made to order. This print on demand approach means production takes between 2 to 5 business days. Once printed, the package goes out with a tracking link. Standard shipping is calculated at checkout, with free shipping automatically unlocked on orders over $60.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do I wash and care for this item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.