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I'm An Expert In Everything I've Never Tried T-shirt
£19.99
We print everything to order—because we hate waste and dusty stock. Due to this highly customised effort, delivery takes 4–8 days (yes, you have to wait). If you’re lucky, it’s 2–5. We’ll send a dispatch email when your stuff is finally on its way.
You've watched Bake Off and thought, "Soggy bottom? I'd never." You've seen some bloke on Grand Designs go over budget and reckoned you could manage the project better from your sofa. Have you ever actually tried any of it? Of course not. That would ruin the expertise. This T-shirt is for the masters of theoretical genius.
This tee boldly declares your unearned confidence, with "EVERYTHING" highlighted in our signature lime green, just to ram the point home. Below this proclamation of baseless brilliance, Sir Cucumber Dog sits in silent, smug agreement. He's also fairly certain he could sort out the national team's midfield if given half a chance.
Perfect for the armchair football manager, the pub-quiz know-all, and anyone who's an absolute authority on subjects they've only ever watched on Dave.
Why This Shirt Validates Your Unfounded Opinions:
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Wearable Confidence: The ultimate statement for those who are experts in potential.
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Free UK Shipping: We'll deliver your badge of expertise right to your door, no extra charge.
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Sir Cucumber Dog Approved: Our pug companion respects your ability to be right about things you've never done.
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Comfort for the Know-All: Made from soft, sturdy cotton, perfect for sitting back and explaining to everyone else how it's done properly.
The Fiddly Bits (Specs):
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Fabric Composition:
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Solid colours are 100% cotton.
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Sport Grey is 90% cotton, 10% polyester.
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Ash Grey is 99% cotton, 1% polyester.
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Heather colours are a 50/50 cotton/polyester blend for the multi-talented expert.
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Fabric Weight: A solid 5.0–5.3 oz/yd² (170-180 g/m²). A substantial shirt for your substantial (theoretical) skills.
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Construction: Made with open-end yarn and tubular fabric, with a taped neck and shoulders. Plus double seams at the sleeves and bottom hem. It’s built to withstand the force of your confident pronouncements.
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Sourced From: Our blank tees come from various corners of the world (Honduras, Nicaragua, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Bangladesh, Mexico).
A Note On Your Order (Your genius is made to order): We don't keep stacks of these tees lying around. Each one is printed fresh just for you the moment you click 'buy'. This on-demand approach means it might take a tad longer to arrive, but it's brilliant for cutting down on waste. Your expertise is rare, and so is this production method.
Heads-Up (Disclaimers - let's be experts on this):
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The White tee is more of an 'off-white'. Don't expect pristine, blindingly-white white.
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The Natural colour has dark speckles in it. It's a feature, not a flaw.
Size guide
| LENGTH (inches) | WIDTH (inches) | SLEEVE LENGTH (inches) | |
| S | 28 | 18 | 15 ⅝ |
| M | 29 | 20 | 17 |
| L | 30 | 22 | 18 ½ |
| XL | 31 | 24 | 20 |
| 2XL | 32 | 26 | 21 ½ |
| 3XL | 33 | 28 | 22 ¾ |
| LENGTH (cm) | WIDTH (cm) | SLEEVE LENGTH (cm) | |
| S | 71.1 | 45.7 | 39.7 |
| M | 73.7 | 50.8 | 43.2 |
| L | 76.2 | 55.9 | 47 |
| XL | 78.7 | 61 | 50.8 |
| 2XL | 81.3 | 66 | 54.6 |
| 3XL | 83.8 | 71.1 | 58 |
Every brilliant mug, tee, or coaster you order is made especially for you using print-on-demand. This custom process is personally overseen by our mascot, Sir Cucumber Dog, who ensures his cucumber monocle is positioned just right for the official 'Pug of Approval' stamp. Because we don't hold stock and craft everything bespoke, your order takes a little longer to arrive than rushed, mass-produced items. But this extra time guarantees a high-quality, perfectly rude, and funny product made just for you!
