MMM SOCKS!The Very Odd Indoor Door Mat

£28.99

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Give your guests an immediate, hilariously odd welcome that will leave them completely bewildered!

This unique and funny door mat is the ultimate statement piece for any home that embraces truly bizarre sarcastic humour. The mat has a secret: it gets excited when people wipe their feet on it. Featuring the unforgettable text, "QUICKLY! TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF. I WANT THOSE SOCKS ON ME! MMM SOCKS!", this mat explicitly conveys its unsettling sock fetish right on your doorstep.

This mat is guaranteed to be a conversation starter and a memorable piece of rude novelty decor. It’s an ideal quirky gift for friends who appreciate the surreal, the unexpected, and the slightly taboo. This mat delivers a memorable, slightly unsettling invitation that will keep your guests talking long after they've left. Plus, with a reliable non-slip rubber base, it stays firmly put while you are dealing with the highly specific, fetishistic demands of the floor. This mat is durable and suitable for indoor use only.

Product Specifications: Overall Size: 60 x 40 cm Printable Area: 57 x 37 cm Base: Non-slip rubber Use: Indoor Only

Our goal is for every customer to be totally satisfied with their purchase. If this isn't the case, let us know and we'll do our best to work with you to make it right.

We will work quickly to ship your order as soon as possible. Once your order has shipped, you will receive an email with further information. Delivery times vary depending on your location.

Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.

Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3-5 business days for production before it departs our green-lit HQ.
Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we’ll sort it. No stress, no fuss.

Frequently asked questions

Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.

We are unable to accept returns on certain items. These will be carefully marked before purchase.

Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.

As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.

Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.

A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.

As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.

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