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The Ultimate Badge of Mediocrity: The "Wet Fart" Edition Mug
£17.00
Sale price
£17.00
Regular price
Sir Cucumber Dog's Offensiveness Rating
One must be careful with a wet fart. I may be a shart.
- CJO (Chief Judgement Officer)
🚚 Estimated delivery:
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.
It is a rare thing for a human to possess the self-awareness to admit they are an absolute damp squib. While Sir Cucumber Dog generally expects perfection, he finds this level of brutal honesty almost tolerable. This mug is the ultimate badge of honour for those days when you are definitely not "crushing it." In fact, you are not even making a dent.
Part of our Home Chaos collection, this design features a high end "Cucumber cream" label wrap, framed by detailed "Cucumber green" borders and an intricate ornate divider. The phrase "I’M THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF A WET FART" is rendered in bold, vintage-inspired typography, perfectly balanced by the sophisticated subtitle: "EDITION OF ONE." It is a juxtaposition of refined, aristocratic aesthetics and the kind of low-brow humour that makes the Chairman tilt his head in silent judgement.
Quality for the Walking Anticlimax
Sir Cucumber Dog refuses to put his name on anything flimsy. Even if you feel like a disappointment, your mug should not be one.
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Double Sided Authority: The design is printed on both sides, ensuring your lack of potential is visible to everyone in the room, whether you are a leftie or a rightie.
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Professional Grade Finish: Expertly crafted to ensure the Cucumber green and cream colours remain sharp, vibrant, and entirely resistant to fading.
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Strategic Lowered Expectations: Carry this into a meeting to ensure nobody asks you for anything important. It is a brilliant tool for avoiding responsibility.
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Low Maintenance: Fully dishwasher and microwave safe. Because let us be honest, you likely do not have the energy for hand-washing.
Technical Specifications for the Self-Aware
Whether you need a standard cup of tea to survive the morning or a massive bucket of coffee to pretend you are functional, we have the size for you:
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11 oz Mug: Measures 9.6 cm height and 8.2 cm diameter.
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15 oz Mug: Measures 11.9 cm height and 8.5 cm diameter.
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Superior Ceramic: A robust, high-gloss white ceramic build that is lead and BPA free.
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Local Fulfilment: To ensure your badge of mediocrity arrives swiftly, we print and ship locally in whatever country you are in. This reduces the carbon footprint and ensures the Chairman’s designs reach you without unnecessary international delays.
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Global Logistics: Sir Cucumber Dog has authorised Free UK and US Shipping on all orders. No hidden fees at checkout.
Colonial Translation
(For our friends across the pond who struggle with extra vowels)
If you want to honor your favorite mediocre friend with a high color gift, this labeled vessel is the center of our collection. It is a great defense against high expectations and acts as a theater piece for your daily failure. This program of self-deprecation is sure to be a hit in any neighborhood or office breakroom.
Shipping & Returns
Shipping & Returns
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.
Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3 to 5 business days for production before your freshly printed order is shipped.
Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we will sort it. No stress, no fuss.
Frequently asked questions
When will I receive my mug?
Patience is a virtue, one I can see you likely do not possess. Your new vessel of disdain is printed specifically for you upon order. Production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed and shipped, we will provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is the returns policy?
Let me be absolutely clear. As each ceramic masterpiece is a bespoke item printed specifically for you, we do not accept returns for a sudden change of mind. Your fleeting whims are your own affair.
However, if your mug arrives looking like it wrestled a badger in transit (i.e., is damaged or misprinted), that is simply unacceptable. Contact our support minions immediately with a clear photograph of the disaster. We shall move heaven and earth to replace it and ensure you receive the perfection you paid for.
How do I care for my product?
We have provided the hostile typography; now you need to do the responsible bit. Treat these items properly, or Sir Cucumber Dog will be sorely disappointed in you.
- Standard Mugs (11 oz & 15 oz): Good news. These are certified high-quality ceramic. You can shove them in the dishwasher and microwave without guilt. Just do not let your incompetent colleagues steal them.
- Heat Colour Changing Mugs: Listen up, these are delicate divas. HAND WASH THEM ONLY. Putting this variant in the microwave or dishwasher is a direct insult to the magic inside. You will ruin it. Do not do it.
Is this design suitable for the workplace?
Only if your colleagues possess a shred of self-awareness or your HR department has given up entirely. We highly recommend placing it firmly on your desk to deter pointless meetings, bad ideas, and general stupidity.