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The Male Dreamer Bath Mat
£25.00
Sale price
£25.00
Regular price
🚚 Estimated delivery:
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.
Warning: Requires a good sense of humour (and a bit of ego).
This rude bath mat isn't just about drying your feet; it's about setting a very specific expectation. We call it 'The Male Dreamer Mat' because, well, it's designed to make one particular part of the male anatomy feel perfectly... centred.
Featuring two footprints and one perfectly placed small white circle, the suggestive joke is clear: this is where a man’s piece goes. It’s the ultimate gag gift for him, brilliant for a partner, best mate, or anyone who appreciates a good bit of lowbrow British banter in the bathroom. Stop giving boring gifts and choose a funny novelty mat they'll actually use!
✨ Product Details: High-Quality Humour
Don't let the cheeky design fool you—this is a high-quality, comfortable, and safe novelty toilet mat.
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Soft Microfibre Top: Highly absorbent microfibre material feels soft and luxurious under your feet (and any other bits).
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Cushioned Memory Foam Inner: Experience plush comfort every time you step out of the shower. This memory foam bath mat is built to last.
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Non-Slip Base: Crucial for bathroom safety, the base ensures this mat stays put, even on slick tiles.
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Approx. Size: A good size for standing on at $40 \times 60 \ \text{cm}$.
🎨 Decoration and Care Instructions
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Vibrant Edge-to-Edge Print: The stark white footprints and the crucial joke circle are printed clearly and crisply using high-quality dye-sublimation on the deep black base.
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Keeping It Clean: To keep this piece of comedy decor clean, simply wash at 30 degrees. Please avoid tumble drying to maintain the mat's shape and its funny focus.
Shipping & Returns
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.
- Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
- Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3-5 business days for production before it departs our green-lit HQ.
- Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we’ll sort it. No stress, no fuss.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
How long does delivery take?
We are unable to accept returns on certain items. These will be carefully marked before purchase.
When will I get my order?
Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do I wash and care for this item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.