This Is Not A Tote Bag T-Shirt | Sir Cucumber Dog | The Anti-Label Collection
Black / S
£19.99
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In a world obsessed with categorisation and labelling, we felt it was vital to state the obvious. This is a T-shirt. It is composed of fabric, it has sleeves, and you wear it on your torso. It is, quite demonstrably, not a tote bag.
This tee is a masterclass in meta-humour, perfect for those who enjoy pointing out the bleeding obvious with a straight face. It’s our nod to high art and low-brow sarcasm, designed to leave passers-by wondering if they’ve had a stroke or if they’re just missing a very specific joke.
Featuring a clean, hand-lettered font and the Cucumber Dog seal of disapproval, this shirt is the ultimate anti-fashion statement. It’s perfect for the supermarket run (where you will inevitably be asked if you need a bag), the pub, or any situation where you want to clarify your physical form.
Why This Shirt Is A Literal Triumph:
Factually Accurate: It is 100% not a tote bag. We have checked.
Subversive Sarcasm: The perfect way to show you’re too clever for standard slogans.
Royal Mail, On The House: Dispatched with Free UK Shipping, because irony should never come with a delivery fee.
Comfort For The Literal-Minded: Made from soft, sturdy cotton, ideal for existing as a human and not a piece of luggage.
The Fiddly Bits (Specs):
Fabric Composition:
Solid colours are 100% cotton.
Sport Grey is 90% cotton, 10% polyester.
Ash Grey is 99% cotton, 1% polyester.
Heather colours are a 50/50 cotton/polyester blend of pure, unadulterated truth.
Fabric Weight: A solid 5.0–5.3 oz/yd² (170-180 g/m²).
Construction: Made with open-end yarn and tubular fabric, with a taped neck and shoulders. Plus double seams at the sleeves and bottom hem to ensure it remains a shirt for a long time.
Sourced From: Our blank tees are sourced from various corners of the world (Honduras, Nicaragua, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Bangladesh, Mexico).
A Note On Your Order (Freshly Printed Reality): This shirt is not sitting in a pile of actual tote bags. Each one is printed fresh just for you the moment you place your order. This on-demand wizardry means it takes a little longer to arrive, but it’s brilliant for cutting down on waste. You’re making a sensible choice.
Heads-Up (Disclaimers):
The White tee is more of an 'off-white'.
The Natural colour has dark speckles in it. It’s a feature, not a flaw.
This Is Not A Tote Bag T-Shirt | Sir Cucumber Dog | The Anti-Label Collection
£19.99
We print everything to order—because we hate waste and dusty stock. Due to this highly customised effort, delivery takes 4–8 days (yes, you have to wait). If you’re lucky, it’s 2–5. We’ll send a dispatch email when your stuff is finally on its way.
This tee is a masterclass in meta-humour, perfect for those who enjoy pointing out the bleeding obvious with a straight face. It’s our nod to high art and low-brow sarcasm, designed to leave passers-by wondering if they’ve had a stroke or if they’re just missing a very specific joke.
Featuring a clean, hand-lettered font and the Cucumber Dog seal of disapproval, this shirt is the ultimate anti-fashion statement. It’s perfect for the supermarket run (where you will inevitably be asked if you need a bag), the pub, or any situation where you want to clarify your physical form.
Why This Shirt Is A Literal Triumph:
Factually Accurate: It is 100% not a tote bag. We have checked.
Subversive Sarcasm: The perfect way to show you’re too clever for standard slogans.
Royal Mail, On The House: Dispatched with Free UK Shipping, because irony should never come with a delivery fee.
Comfort For The Literal-Minded: Made from soft, sturdy cotton, ideal for existing as a human and not a piece of luggage.
The Fiddly Bits (Specs):
Fabric Composition:
Solid colours are 100% cotton.
Sport Grey is 90% cotton, 10% polyester.
Ash Grey is 99% cotton, 1% polyester.
Heather colours are a 50/50 cotton/polyester blend of pure, unadulterated truth.
Fabric Weight: A solid 5.0–5.3 oz/yd² (170-180 g/m²).
Construction: Made with open-end yarn and tubular fabric, with a taped neck and shoulders. Plus double seams at the sleeves and bottom hem to ensure it remains a shirt for a long time.
Sourced From: Our blank tees are sourced from various corners of the world (Honduras, Nicaragua, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Bangladesh, Mexico).
A Note On Your Order (Freshly Printed Reality): This shirt is not sitting in a pile of actual tote bags. Each one is printed fresh just for you the moment you place your order. This on-demand wizardry means it takes a little longer to arrive, but it’s brilliant for cutting down on waste. You’re making a sensible choice.
Heads-Up (Disclaimers):
The White tee is more of an 'off-white'.
The Natural colour has dark speckles in it. It’s a feature, not a flaw.
Size guide
| LENGTH (inches) | WIDTH (inches) | SLEEVE LENGTH (inches) | |
| S | 28 | 18 | 15 ⅝ |
| M | 29 | 20 | 17 |
| L | 30 | 22 | 18 ½ |
| XL | 31 | 24 | 20 |
| 2XL | 32 | 26 | 21 ½ |
| 3XL | 33 | 28 | 22 ¾ |
| LENGTH (cm) | WIDTH (cm) | SLEEVE LENGTH (cm) | |
| S | 71.1 | 45.7 | 39.7 |
| M | 73.7 | 50.8 | 43.2 |
| L | 76.2 | 55.9 | 47 |
| XL | 78.7 | 61 | 50.8 |
| 2XL | 81.3 | 66 | 54.6 |
| 3XL | 83.8 | 71.1 | 58 |
Every brilliant mug, tee, or coaster you order is made especially for you using print-on-demand. This custom process is personally overseen by our mascot, Sir Cucumber Dog, who ensures his cucumber monocle is positioned just right for the official 'Pug of Approval' stamp. Because we don't hold stock and craft everything bespoke, your order takes a little longer to arrive than rushed, mass-produced items. But this extra time guarantees a high-quality, perfectly rude, and funny product made just for you!
