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Sir Cucumber Dog "WHAT?!" Novelty Indoor Mat
£31.00
Sale price
£31.00
Regular price
🚚 Estimated delivery:
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.
Cut straight to the point with this hilariously aggressive and sarcastic indoor mat. For those who find even a simple "hello" too much effort, this Cucumber Dog mat is the ultimate piece of rude home decor. Featuring the bold, loud, and incredibly impatient text "WHAT?!", it perfectly captures that feeling of being interrupted at home. It is a quintessential example of British bluntness from the Sir Cucumber Dog brand for anyone who wants to greet their guests with a healthy dose of "leave me alone."
This Cucumber Dog mat makes a brilliant funny gift for introverts, a cheeky addition to a bachelor pad, or a standout statement piece for a hallway or man cave. Built with a durable surface and a non slip rubber base, it ensures your grumpy greeting stays firmly in place while you decide whether or not to actually open the door.
📋 Key Features
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Brutally Honest Design: A perfect piece of rude novelty decor from Sir Cucumber Dog that saves you the breath of asking why someone is at your house.
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Safe and Secure: Equipped with a high quality non slip rubber backing to prevent sliding on laminate, wood, or tiled floors.
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Durable Construction: Designed to handle high foot traffic while keeping the bold, shouty print crisp and clear.
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Perfect Gift Idea: An ideal funny housewarming gift for that one friend who hates being bothered or anyone who appreciates antisocial humour.
Product Specifications
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Brand: Sir Cucumber Dog
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Overall Size: 60 x 40 cm
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Printable Area: 57 x 37 cm
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Base: Non slip rubber
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Use: Indoor Only
Shipping & Returns
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.
- Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
- Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3-5 business days for production before it departs our green-lit HQ.
- Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we’ll sort it. No stress, no fuss.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
How long does delivery take?
We are unable to accept returns on certain items. These will be carefully marked before purchase.
When will I get my order?
Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do I wash and care for this item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.