Dipshit Varsity T-Shirt | Sir Cucumber Dog | The Alumni Collection

Some people proudly wear their university crest. They drone on about degrees in PPE, Classical Civilisation, or something equally useless at parties.

But you?
You studied somewhere far more prestigious.

You are a proud graduate of the University of Dipshittery, and it’s time your wardrobe reflected your academic journey.

This T-shirt takes the classic Ivy League varsity design and gives it the brutal honesty it’s been missing. Bold collegiate lettering. A beautifully arched declaration of poor judgement. And, presiding over it all, Sir Cucumber Dog—watching, judging, and quietly disappointed in everyone.

Whether you wear it as a self-aware badge of honour or gift it to that mate who once tried to microwave a sandwich with the foil still on, the message is clear:
You may be wrong—but you’re never in doubt.

Why This T-Shirt Is Top of the Class

✔ Elite Academic Credentials (In Idiocy)
Classic varsity aesthetics for people who confidently misunderstand instructions.

✔ The Perfect Gift for Questionable Thinkers
Ideal for birthdays, Christmas, or spontaneous interventions.

✔ Sir Cucumber Dog Approved
Ensuring that even at peak dipshittery, you maintain a respectable level of style.

✔ Comfort for the Confused
Soft, durable cotton—perfect for staring blankly at instructions you fully intend to ignore.

✔ Free UK Shipping
Delivered via Royal Mail, because tuition fees were already expensive enough.

Fabric & Fit (The Fiddly Bits)

• Material Composition

  • Solid colours: 100% cotton

  • Sport Grey: 90% cotton, 10% polyester

  • Ash Grey: 99% cotton, 1% polyester

  • Heather colours: 50% cotton / 50% polyester (balanced nonsense)

• Fabric Weight
  5.0–5.3 oz/yd² (170–180 g/m²)

• Construction Details

  • Open-end yarn

  • Tubular fabric

  • Taped neck and shoulders

  • Double-stitched sleeves and bottom hem
    Built to survive questionable life choices.

• Blank Sourcing
  Honduras, Nicaragua, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Bangladesh, or Mexico
  (Diplomatic immunity not included.)

Printed Fresh Just for You

This T-shirt isn’t sitting in a dusty stockroom waiting for its moment.
Each one is printed on demand as soon as you place your order.

That means:

• Slightly longer delivery times

• Less waste

• One surprisingly responsible decision on your part

We’re proud of you. Truly.

Important Notes Before You Graduate

• The White tee is more off-white than blindingly pure

• The Natural colour contains dark speckles (this is intentional, not a mistake)

• Colours may vary slightly due to screen settings and reality

Wear it proudly.
Judge others silently.
And represent the University of Dipshittery with the dignity it absolutely does not deserve.

Size guide