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I Fart In Lifts T-shirt The Public Nuisance Collection
£23.00
Sale price
£23.00
Regular price
🚚 Estimated delivery:
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.
Some people make small talk in a lift. You make a statement. This T-shirt is an honest declaration of your favourite anti-social pastime, a wearable warning sign for anyone about to share a small, enclosed space with you. You're not just going up; you're going nuclear.
This tee features a helpful, diagrammatic guide to your craft, showing a lone figure executing a perfect crop-dusting by the control panel. It’s not just a confession; it's a visual promise of what's to come. It says, "Yes, I did just press the button for every single floor."
Perfect for the office anarchist, the mischief-maker, and anyone who believes that the awkward silence in a lift is a canvas, and a fart is their paintbrush.
Why This Shirt is a Public Service Announcement:
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A Masterpiece of Antisocial Artistry: For those who appreciate the finer points of petty rebellion.
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A Clear Warning: Manages the expectations of fellow passengers beautifully. They can't say they weren't told.
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Royal Mail, On The House: Dispatched with Free UK Shipping, because your gift to the public is already generous enough.
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Comfort for the Culprit: Made from soft, sturdy cotton, ideal for standing perfectly still, maintaining eye contact, and enjoying your handiwork.
The Fiddly Bits (Specs):
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Fabric Composition:
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Solid colours are 100% cotton.
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Sport Grey is 90% cotton, 10% polyester.
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Ash Grey is 99% cotton, 1% polyester.
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Heather colours are a 50/50 cotton/polyester blend of pure, gaseous malevolence.
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Fabric Weight: A solid 5.0–5.3 oz/yd² (170-180 g/m²).
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Construction: Made with open-end yarn and tubular fabric, with a taped neck and shoulders. Plus double seams at the sleeves and bottom hem. It’s built to withstand the inevitable glares.
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Sourced From: Our blank tees are sourced from various corners of the world (Honduras, Nicaragua, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Bangladesh, Mexico).
A Note On Your Order (Freshly Emitted): This shirt isn't just sitting around. Each one is printed fresh just for you the moment you place your order. This on-demand wizardry means it takes a little longer to arrive, but it's brilliant for cutting down on waste. You can’t rush this kind of artistry.
Heads-Up (Disclaimers):
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The White tee is more of an 'off-white'.
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The Natural colour has dark speckles in it. It's a feature, not a flaw.
Size guide
| LENGTH (inches) | WIDTH (inches) | SLEEVE LENGTH (inches) | |
| S | 28 | 18 | 15 ⅝ |
| M | 29 | 20 | 17 |
| L | 30 | 22 | 18 ½ |
| XL | 31 | 24 | 20 |
| 2XL | 32 | 26 | 21 ½ |
| 3XL | 33 | 28 | 22 ¾ |
Shipping & Returns
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.
- Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
- Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3-5 business days for production before it departs our green-lit HQ.
- Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we’ll sort it. No stress, no fuss.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
How long does delivery take?
We are unable to accept returns on certain items. These will be carefully marked before purchase.
When will I get my order?
Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do I wash and care for this item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.