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"What Time Isn't It?" Sarcastic Tee | Sir Cucumber Dog
£23.00
Sale price
£23.00
Regular price
Sir Cucumber Dog's Offensiveness Rating
"A delightful way to make the commoners question their own sanity. Linear time is for those who have nowhere better to be. I find your confusion quite charming."
- CJO (Chief Judgement Officer)
🚚 Estimated delivery:
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.
A Wearable Existential Crisis
Time is a social construct, and frankly, it is one the Chairman has grown tired of following. This T-shirt is designed to induce a very specific kind of mental short-circuit in anyone who attempts to read it. It is not about what time it is: it is about the infinite, terrifying possibilities of what time it isn't.
Part of our Mind Games Collection, this garment is a masterpiece of psychological warfare. It is the perfect attire for those days when you have lost all track of reality, or when you simply want to watch a stranger's brain reboot as they try to process the logic of the question. Sir Cucumber Dog sits quietly underneath the text, providing his seal of disapproval. Whether you are queuing for a coffee at 3 AM or 3 PM, this shirt ensures that nobody, including you, really knows what is going on.
Why This Shirt is a Temporal Triumph
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Existential Dread, Tailored: The ultimate conversation stopper for people who ask "got the time?"
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Subtle Psychological Warfare: A simple question that becomes more confusing the longer you look at it.
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Royal Mail, On The House: Dispatched with Free UK Shipping, arriving exactly when it is meant to (whenever that happens to be).
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Comfort for the Chronologically Confused: Made from soft, sturdy cotton, ideal for wasting time in absolute style.
Technical Specifications for the Discerning
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Fabric Composition: * Solid colours are 100 percent cotton.
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Sport Grey is 90 percent cotton and 10 percent polyester.
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Ash Grey is 99 percent cotton and 1 percent polyester.
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Heather colours are a 50/50 cotton and polyester blend of pure, timeless confusion.
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Fabric Weight: A solid 5.0 to 5.3 oz/yd² (170 to 180 g/m²).
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Construction: Made with open-end yarn and tubular fabric, with a taped neck and shoulders. Features double seams at the sleeves and bottom hem for long-term durability.
A Note On Your Order (Printed in its Own Time)
This shirt is not just sitting in a warehouse gathering dust. Each one is printed fresh specifically for you the moment you place your order. This on-demand approach means it takes a little longer to arrive, but it is brilliant for cutting down on waste and protecting the planet. You cannot rush a masterpiece of mental manipulation.
Heads-Up (The Disclaimers)
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White: The White tee is a classic off-white rather than a blinding optic white.
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Natural: The Natural colour features charming dark speckles from the original cotton plant. It is a feature, not a flaw.
Sourced From: Our blank tees are sourced from various corners of the world (Honduras, Nicaragua, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Bangladesh, Mexico).
A Note On Your Order (Printed in its own time): This shirt isn't just sitting in a warehouse. Each one is printed fresh just for you the moment you place your order. This on-demand wizardry means it takes a little longer to arrive, but it’s brilliant for cutting down on waste. You can't rush a masterpiece of mental manipulation.
Heads-Up (Disclaimers):
The White tee is more of an 'off-white'.
The Natural colour has dark speckles in it. It's a feature, not a flaw.
Size guide
| LENGTH (inches) | WIDTH (inches) | SLEEVE LENGTH (inches) | |
| S | 28 | 18 | 15 ⅝ |
| M | 29 | 20 | 17 |
| L | 30 | 22 | 18 ½ |
| XL | 31 | 24 | 20 |
| 2XL | 32 | 26 | 21 ½ |
| 3XL | 33 | 28 | 22 ¾ |
| LENGTH (cm) | WIDTH (cm) | SLEEVE LENGTH (cm) | |
| S | 71.1 | 45.7 | 39.7 |
| M | 73.7 | 50.8 | 43.2 |
| L | 76.2 | 55.9 | 47 |
| XL | 78.7 | 61 | 50.8 |
| 2XL | 81.3 | 66 | 54.6 |
| 3XL | 83.8 | 71.1 | 58 |
Shipping & Returns
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.
- Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
- Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3-5 business days for production before it departs our green-lit HQ.
- Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we’ll sort it. No stress, no fuss.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
When will I receive my order?
Patience is a virtue we know you lack. Your new premium streetwear is printed specifically for you upon order. Production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed and shipped, we will provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. Read the size guide. However, if your t-shirt arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph. We will resolve the issue swiftly.
How do I wash and care for this item?
Treat your new garments with the respect they deserve. Wash our heavyweight cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) to protect the print. Tumble drying is for amateurs; hang it up to air dry to maintain the shape and premium feel.